We are drawn together for the purpose of healing. Whether we are drawn to our soul mate or drawn to an exchange with our neighbor. The purpose of relationship is to heal. Any other agenda is spiritual futility. It's a simple enough focus yet maintaining it requires diligent effort and a constant re-directing of the ego's petty demands. We come together in order to heal. The ark is entered two by two; we go to heaven (the state of blissful consciousness) with whomever is in front of us in the moment that we choose love. The exalted state of our being-ness on this planet is when the masculine and feminine are harmoniously joined together for they exponentially consummate each moment they serve in that state. In other words, when we balance the masculine (intellect) and feminine (intuition) in ourselves, we express this balance in our relationship with everyone.
This is true whether we are partnered or not.
Our soul burns for this exalted experience, and we act out this longing by trying to "marry" man and woman in some notion of holy matrimony which appears to fall quite short of most visions of holiness. Our soul burns for the ecstatic states it remembers, and we misread its message because we have trouble being quiet and listening. And trusting love. Yes, this is a difficult journey as we grope about the planet in these dense bodies which is why it is said that the ark is entered two by two. It is easier to navigate when two are joined as one; "when two or more are gathered, there I am among them", and all the other references to this concept that the path to our oneness is through one another. We go to Heaven with whomever is in front of us in each moment and we stand in front of our partners a lot, so they are our likely companions on this wild ride to these exotic, ecstatic places such as a Heaven or Hell (the consciousness of fear)...as always our will decides.
As men and women, uniting the masculine and feminine forces is our ultimate challenge here on planet Earth. We each catch glimpses of this incredible potential that lies deep in the quiet currents of our hearts (the emotional organ that connects us to each other through our love energies). There is research that indicates that two hearts within close proximity to one another will begin to beat in similar rhythms.
The heart must be open in order for it to survive. Our intellectual resources will fail to solve this dilemma because the dilemma is not about shifting our paradigms. The dilemma is about our refusal to see one another as innocent. We want to understand each other and cooperate within our unions, we simply don't know how any more for so many unimportant reasons.
The oneness we seek is through another. Something in us knows this or we wouldn't be able to love one another at all. Sex may be a porthole to the return to the divine...the path to our oneness; that's why we're magnetized to the opposite gender. Without sex, God couldn't get anything done! So, we attract to one another...again and again until we realize the truth of our oneness: We do need them to complete us, but not the way our ego has us believing this concept. We need to unite the forces of the universe (love made visible through the human form of man/woman) and take each other home.
The following was written in the form of a prayer because that's what speaks to me, however, it can easily be a list of affirmations. I wrote this almost about seven years ago at the threshold of a relationship with a man, and have referred to it continuously throughout this time in an effort to stay focused on what I believe is the truth: The purpose of relationships is to heal. Ourselves...not the other person. Regardless of the form, length of time in relationship or how many children we've had together, our partner's healing is essentially none of our business. This is not a cold or uncaring perspective; on the contrary, nothing could be more loving than to accept others for who they are, and not insist that their happiness be conditional upon anything we do or don't do.
Some of these vows were easier than others, both to commit to and aspire to, and I don't know if I've come close to actualizing any of them, but I can honestly say that they have been the reins for those perilous emotions headed over dangerous cliffs; the resource I've called on when different challenges arose; the center I've used to go to and from my partner. All my questions have been answered by one or more of these passages. The most significant change I've observed as a result of reciting these affirmations regularly is that I am more peaceful. May they be a source of the same for you.
May all my beliefs be reformed.
May I release all ideas from the past.
May I release all attachment to the future.
May I not identify myself by this relationship.
May I come to him, be with him and depart from him without conflict.
May I see any conflict as my own healing need.
May I let him be who he is and not need him to need me.
May I learn of him from what he gives and shows, and not from what I project or assume.
May I tend to my own garden and accept and love his garden.
May I extend my projection of his garden only when asked and then tell the truth and come from love.
May I not attempt to become the person I think he wants me to be.
May I not attempt to desire his desires or love his loves falsely.
May I not disregard my true desires and loves to earn his approval or love.
May I speak the truth when asked a question and not create a new disguise to hide old errors behind.
May I learn the value of my own power.
May I feel the opening of my heart.
May I give of myself freely.
May I refrain from competition.
May I forgive instead of seek to make wrong.
May I not seek approval, appreciation or love.
May I constantly seek Divine will and not my own.
May I not project my own agendas onto him as his, and may I catch myself before attacking him for them.
May I be present each moment.
May I Love What Is.